Invisible Boy

Don't stay invisible!

---

Years ago Sempais youngest son ran in a race. He finished 30th.

With a frown on his face he said to his Mom: “That’s not very good.”

She said: “Honey, there are 70,000 kids that live in Northwest Ohio who COULD have run today.

“You showed up. You beat everyone who stayed home. The way I figure it coming in 30 out of 70,000 is pretty great!”

Good advice.

You’re like a rubber band. When you lay around limp and lifeless you have no use. But when you stretch that’s when you’ve got a purpose.

So why don’t you stretch more?

Maybe you don’t love yourself enough.

Elizabeth Gilbert says that all books are about self acceptance. She explained that no matter how many times you edit and re-edit your work you eventually have say “DONE” and release it. You are saying to the world: “Here I am. I may not be perfect but this is ME.”

I had redrafted and edited my first book about a dozen times. Finally I said screw it.

Now I’m published.

You have to become a writer before you can become a good writer. You have to become a runner before you become a good runner. You have to become a martial artist before you can become a good one.

---

Ego is a funny thing. Most people think egotistical people are arrogant. Most ego hides in shyness. Fear is the ego's weapon.

Ego says: “I’m afraid of what people will think of me so I stay home”.

The ego loves the couch.

One of my favorite movies is a 90’s film called “Mystery Men”. (I know - my taste in movies is basically awful.)

The movie is about a bunch of misfit superheroes. They all have a power of some sort BUT with some odd limitation.

The funniest is the Invisible Boy. He has the power of invisibility. But he can only go invisible WHEN NO ONE IS LOOKING!

One of the great secrets of life is we all have a similar power. We are invisible. Most of the time no one is looking.

---

Do you remember who won the college football national championship last year?

Probably.

Do you remember which team finished number 12?

Me neither.

Why do we remember the “Good old days”?

Because we only remember THE GOOD PARTS!

To be remembered you’ve got to become good. The only way to be good is to participate.

---

People don’t get involved in martial arts because they are afraid they will look stupid. They say to me: “What will everyone think of me?”

They don’t realize no one can see them.

Maybe visibility is the mission in life. You try things and then you work at becoming excellent at them. When you become excellent you become visible. Then you exist.

Let go of your ego and get off the couch. Exist.

Take an art class. Write a poem. Ski.

Maybe start your own blog.

Maybe some day people will see it.

Pick Your Mask

When Sempai Shelly was 12 she was threatened by the mean girl.

The mean girl said: “Meet me on Sunday at 2pm at Wells Street park!"

Everyone was watching.

She threw back her shoulders and said: “I’ll be there - just make sure you show up!”

“God” she thought; “What have I just done? That girls gonna KILL me!”

She worried about it all weekend. Finally Sunday came but she decided not to go. She was terrified of what everyone was going to say.

Later Sunday night she told her Dad about what was bothering her.

Dad told her what to do: “Get to school early tomorrow. Wait until the girl that challenged you is around a bunch of friends. You march right up to her, look her in the eye and say… WHERE WERE YOU SUNDAY AT 2PM!!!?”

Sempai Shelly: “But dad... do you think that will work?”

Dad: “It always works.”

Sure enough the next morning Sempai saw the other girl leaning up against a tree talking with her friends. Sempai walked up and with as much volume as she could muster shouted: “WHERE WERE YOU!!!?”. “I waited you never showed up!”

(Long Pause)

The mean girl stammered. She tried to make up an excuse. Her friends rolled their eyes. Then they looked away.

Sempai never got picked on again.

---

Everyone is acting a part.

Stay in character and you’ll get more success.

One of my spiritual teachers says that the way you think about yourself has a huge impact on your results. But what other people think of you has an impact too.

I don’t like the “other people” part; but it’s true.

When other people believe in you your life will change because of the energy their belief gives you.

I’ve seen it hundreds of times. A kid is struggling at the dojo and they need confidence. The easiest way to give them confidence is to let them lead. Something happens to them when they notice others looking up to them. Something powerful.

---

Each of us is giving off a certain energy. The energy is directed based on what we believe. Like Henry Ford said: “Think you can, think you can’t. Either way you're right.”

But if our thoughts have power then we have to accept that the thoughts of others have power too. Like the sun; this power falls on everyone equally. It doesn’t just go where we want it to go. It always flows in the direction of our beliefs.

When you learn to act like you’ve got confidence you become like a solar reflector. You begin to gather the positive power of the beliefs of others. You add that power to your own and it helps you achieve your goals.

The more you achieve the more people believe in you. The more power you recruit from both your belief and theirs.

---

I wrote a book. Actually I wrote TWO books.

They took me six months and hundreds of hours of work. For that six month period I sat in silence writing. I told no one about my writing. Not even my closest family and friends.

Why?

Because I was new at writing. I wasn’t sure if I could complete my goal. I knew even one negative word or opinion would shake my already weak confidence.

After I completed my first hundred pages or so I began to think: “I”ve written over a hundred pages. Not many people can say that. Maybe I can be a writer.”

Eventually I got to the point where I started to believe in myself. After my first book was finished I started sharing my project with other people. They would say: “Wow; he’s written an entire book - I had no idea he could write.”

So their opinion (because I had COMPLETED the work) supported me.

---

People enroll to be a student at our dojo. Usually I tell them it’s not a good idea to share what you’re doing with others. (I know - bad for business - but it’s true).

When you begin something your belief is fragile. The negative opinions of others can really hurt you. Better to wait. Get a good solid six months behind you. Get your first rank or two. Learn to spar and roll.

Then when other people see you do something they will say: “Wow! I had no idea.”

---

We are all wearing masks. Don’t spent too much energy trying to remove your mask. Don't try and show your “real” face.

Because even what you think is your “real” face is a mask too. Removing your mask is like trying to peel an onion.

Instead decide who you want to be. Wear that mask with pride.

Enlightenment is not taking off your mask. Enlightenment is remembering that we’re all wearing one.

You have the power to pick the one you like best.

How To Be The Luckiest Man In Town

It hurts to lose.

I don't want you to lose. I want you to be lucky.

---

He was the luckiest person I ever knew. 

He started gaining a reputation for being lucky. People would even ask him to buy lottery tickets for them. Every time he went to a casino he always walked out with more than he came in with. 

Every game Tim played he won. Or at least it seemed like he was winning. Because even when he was down he was having fun. But most of the time he did win.

That’s the strange thing about winning. Winning is really not about what happens to you. Winning is about how you feel. When you feel like a winner you improve your chances.

Tim never worried. He used to tell me: “It doesn’t matter how much you worry - things always work out anyway.”

Tim encouraged. I think that’s why we were close friends. Every time I’d get worked up about something I’d talk to him. He’d always find a way to make me feel better. Nothing was ever a big deal to him.

I remember hearing a story about Walt Disney. He would decide to shoot a scene in bad weather. Everyone would warn him it was a mistake. But sure enough, when they would start to film, the clouds would always open up for him.

Disney used to say: “If you live right things go right”.

Tim knew this too.

When I would lose I used to blame my circumstances.

But I didn’t realize that winning is just a state of mind. Winners don’t always have to score more points. Winners find a way to feel like winners no matter what’s happening.

Tim recruited followers. When he told a joke even people at nearby tables would start to listen. When Tim would gamble people would stop playing to watch him. Tim made everyone think he was winning. Tim made everyone feel like THEY were winning too.

---

The opinions of others affect our performance. In sports they call this “home field advantage”.

When I give talks it’s who I focus on makes or  breaks me. If I find a few people that are really listening - hanging on every word - I can feel it. Their facial expressions, their posture, all have an effect.

When I notice a few people who are listening my talk gets better. The better my talk the more other people start to listen. Pretty soon I’ve got positive momentum.

Sometimes when I talk I notice people who aren’t listening. If I focus on those people I start to hesitate. My talk starts to sound canned. I lose my emotion. Pretty soon other people stop listening too.

It would be easy for me to say that it’s the people in the audience that are creating good talks or bad ones. But it’s who I choose to focus on that matters.

Winners don’t get luckier than anyone else. They have just figured out how to focus. Happiness is their home field advantage.

Tim was able to do that. He would stay in a happy, carefree state of mind no matter if he was winning or losing. In the end he won more because of it.

I learned from Tim that it’s your state of mind that counts.

People come to me to learn martial arts. They think that if they learn certain moves they will be able to defend themselves. Sometimes it works.

But learning self defense doesn’t protect you. Learning self defense gives you confidence. Confidence is a state of mind. Confidence is what protects you.

That’s the reason they break boards in Karate. Board breaking has NOTHING to do with self defense. But it does make people believe in themselves. When people have confidence magical things happen.

Everyone thinks they have to learn lots of moves. But there’s only one move.

That move is focus.

Focus on the things that make you happy - NO MATTER WHAT. That's how you get lucky.

Tim did it. Disney did it. 

And now you can do it too.

Egotistical Rats

Scientists gave rats cocaine; they got them addicted.

Then they took the addicted rats and put them in a cage with non addicted ones. After a short time the addicted rats were cured.

Cured. Just by being in the right community.

The rats were cured because of SOCIALIZATION. When the rats were isolated. Cut off from others. They remained addicts.

In other words scientists discovered the root of ALL addiction is isolation. The cure to ALL addiction is connection.

Sobriety is not the opposite of addiction. Connection is.

People sometimes say; “My addiction is good for me - I work out”.

But NO addiction is good for you.

It’s true; working out is better than using cocaine. But it’s better to deal with the root cause, otherwise your addiction will get worse. You might work out so much you hurt yourself or neglect those who love you. You might become a fanatic.

I run but I’m not addicted to running.

I know I’m not addicted because there are lots of times I have to force myself to do it. I don’t want to. I certainly don’t HAVE to. But since it’s good for me I make myself.

The key to curing addiction is connection. Finding ways to be part of things. To contribute. To make a difference in the lives of others.

That’s why the dojo matters. A dojo is a place you go to connect with others. You practice with others so that you can become part of something bigger than you. Part of a community.

One of the most common addictions is the need for power and control. In martial arts we call this desire for power the “ego”. The ego is especially destructive because it causes competition. Competition distracts us from connection.

Today ego is the reason most people want to learn martial arts. They think learning to fight will give them power over others. Those are the people that call me. Those are the people I talk to most of the time.

It used to upset me. But then I remembered something.

I remembered what happens to addicted rats when they are put in a group of non addicted ones.

In the lab study addicted rats were given the choice of drinking water laced with cocaine or pure water. When put in the right environment, and given a choice, they always chose the pure water.

Our mission is to be the right environment.

People will come to us filled with ego. But if our spirit is right they will let it go.

Our mission is to create the right space. Keep polishing the mirrors.

Good rats create other good ones.

The 3% That Will Kill You

He’s sweating. The guy’s up 100,000.00. If he walks away now he can pay off the mob. He can buy his life back.

If he loses they will kill him.

But instead of walking away he puts it all on black.

Greed did him in. Greed does us all in if we let it.

---

Sifu Brown was performing in a martial arts demo years ago. He had the whole thing scripted. He’s got two attackers. One guys got a knife. He’s going to do a series of moves and then finish the other guy off at the end with a side kick.

The guy that’s getting kicked is wearing a plate of ken-do armor. That way Sifu can blast him and knock him over without hurting him on the final kick.

The demo starts. The guy with the knife comes in. Sifu does a spinning crescent kick to block the knife.

But instead of the knife falling to the ground, it flies through the air, and STICKS into the chest plate of the other guy! A complete and crazy ACCIDENT.

Sifu had a whole series of moves planned. He had rehearsed for hours.

Instead he stopped.

He brought his partners to attention (including the guy with knife sticking out of his chest plate). Then he bowed deeply to both them, bowed to the audience, and walked off the stage.

STANDING OVATION!!!!!!!!

Moral of the story? …

Sifu says jokingly: … "Sometimes you’ve got to quit when you’re ahead!"

Life is like that.

You are either living or dying.

Unless you get hit by a car you don’t die all at once. You die a tiny percent at a time.

But that’s how you live too. You live by growing 1% every day. You try and be 1% healthier. Have 1% better relationships. 1% more mind power. 1% more joy.

But you have to do this every single day. When you do you grow. When you do you live.

It feels good to grow 1%. It feels so good you might get greedy. You might think “If I did 1% maybe I could go for 2 or 3%”.

Don’t.

Here’s what happens. You push yourself in an area. Harder, and, harder. Maybe you even get your 3%.

But you get hurt. Your knee is in pain. You’ve got stuff from work to catch up. The dishes get left in the sink.

Now your behind. You don't have time or energy to improve until you catch back up.

You're off the wagon.

Here’s a life principle. You can improve by 1% a day. But if you do nothing you will lose at a much faster rate.

The formula is to gain 1% and NOT 3% for a reason. Improve by 1% every day and your entire life will change for the better. Try and improve 3% a day and you will kill yourself.

It’s tiny accomplishments every single day that make all the difference.

You tear down fast. Real fast. All you have to do is skip days and you'll go south quick. But now you now know how to turn it around. 1% every day.

I wrote this blog post today. It was short. Now I can go back to bed.

But at least it was 1% more than I did yesterday.

The Lie People Tell Themselves.

I loved my Grandma.

I was there when she woke up from surgery. Both legs amputated from above the knees. Poor diet and a lack of exercise led to diabetes. She always wanted to exercise.

She didn't survive it.

She was old. It was too late. Sometimes getting started is the hardest part.

I know a landscaper. She she starts each day by putting her hands in the dirt and rubbing them together. As soon as her hands are dirty she smears dirt on her clothes.

She told me: “As soon as you get dirty it’s easy to get to work”.

Sometimes I run.

If I go a few days without running my legs feel like led. I know if I start I’ll get through it. If I get through it I’ll feel better. I’ve found the trick is to not think about it too much. Like Nike - “just do it”.

I don’t have to go very far. Even just a few minutes. A few minutes of running brings running back into my life. I like having running part of my life. I would hate to lose it.

There are people in my life who are important that live far away. I don’t see them very much so my habit is to call them every couple of weeks and talk.

If I go longer than a few weeks it gets harder and harder to call. We have less to talk about the more time passes. I can feel them slipping away.

It's like i'm holding on to them as they dangle off the edge of a cliff. Don’t let go. If I let go they won’t be a part of my life anymore. I’ve got to be disciplined to hold on.

All I have to do is pick up the phone. Call them. Tell them I love them.

Getting started is the hardest part. I always feel better after I do.

What have you been putting off? Whatever it is just get started.

Getting started is more important than finishing. If you don’t start you are never in the game. If you’re not in the game you don’t know if you would have scored or not. Get in the game.

Don’t commit to finishing. You never know; anything could happen to stop you.

But if you don’t start you’ll never know.

The game of life is like stepping up to a plate in baseball. You can forgive yourself if you swing hard and strike out. But you’ll never forgive yourself if you stand there and watch all the balls go by. You’ve gotta take your swings.

But life is better than baseball. In baseball you only get three swings. In life you get UNLIMITED swings. Every time you start something that matters you’re taking another swing.

When you put things off you’re letting balls whizz by.

Don’t call your mom. WHIZZ - Eventually she’ll be gone.

Don’t buy that gift for your wife - WHIZZ - You might not get another chance. You might wonder whatever happened to the romance you used to have.

Don’t tell you son you love him. WHIZZ - There will come a day when you'll wish you’d said it more.

Don’t start exercising and eating right. - WHIZZ - Spend time at the dojo, running, or at the gym. Otherwise you’ll have to spend time with the Doctor.

I know. It’s hard to start.

But it’s also hard to NOT start. When you put things off you don’t realize you are making a decision. Procrastination is a decision. When you procrastinate you are saying NO.

People procrastinate because saying yes might hurt. Saying no might hurt too. So they try not to think about it.

But time always decides for you. Time always gives the same answer. Time always says NO.

I like my legs.

That's why I'm going for a run now.

Silver Bullets Are For Werewolves

Productivity at the factory kept going down.

They tried everything. New paint. Plants. Even piped in music.

Every time they put in something new the workers produced more. But then, after 5 weeks, everything would slow back down to where it was before.

The boss had no idea why. Finally he asked one of the guys who worked on the line named Fred what was happening.

 "You've got it all wrong. Our productivity doesn't go up because of the stuff you put in”.  said Fred.

He went on: “We produce more because every time you improve things, we know someone CARES”.

That’s the problem today. Everyone wants the one solution that will fix all problems.

Everyone wants a silver bullet.

There are none. 

People say to me: “How do I become a such and such belt”?

I say: “Just focus on having a good practice TODAY”.

Everything in life is like that.

There’s no such thing as being a good parent, spouse, or martial artist. There are only good days and bad days.

When you’re good at something it means you’ve strung together lots of good days. At that point people will want to give you a title. Better NOT to accept it.

There’s an ancient text where a man comes to a Master and calls Him good.

He says: “No one is good except the Father [God]”.

I’m no expert; but I think it means you are only “good” as long as you DECIDE to be good. Being “good” isn’t a title. Being “good” is a choice you make daily.

Enough good days can change the world.

I don’t like belts. I especially don’t like the term “Black Belt”.

Black Belt is a title. It’s like calling someone “good”.

To many people the title “Black Belt” means you can rest.

Even if you start having BAD days you can still say: “Yes; but look at me - I’m a Black Belt”.

Ugh!!

At Sifu Browns dojo it’s hard to tell who are the black belts. The sash is really subtle and hard to see.

It’s easier to look for the students that are helping others the most. Those that are giving of themselves. Those that are working the hardest. Behavior is what makes a black sash easy to see.

There are no shortcuts.

I wrote today. I still struggle but my writing is getting a tiny bit better.

No substitute for daily practice.

Silver bullets are only for Werewolves.

Why Discipline Is A Lie.

School was miserable to me. It felt like torture.

I used to pretend I was sick so I didn’t have to go.

On my report card I’d get “I”s. “I”s stood for “Incomplete”. Incomplete meant that you had to take the class over.

That was OK with me. I could always skip again.

Counselors kept telling me I needed discipline. I didn’t know what that was. I don’t think the counselors knew either.

I fixed things myself. 

It wasn't discipline that saved me.

The Lie
Discipline is a lie. There’s no such thing. Discipline is a lazy word. We use it to either give ourselves credit or put someone else down.

Let me explain.

You don’t need “discipline”. Instead you need a reason.

Back then my classmates had an unfair advantage. They had a reason to go to school. They were part of a club. They had friends. They had parents.

My family was a mess. We were running from the law.

I was living under an alias name. To hide me they even doctored my birth certificate with a sharpie.

I had been bounced from school to school. So many I lost count.

I didn’t want to get involved. At any moment they might find me out. At any moment everything might be taken away. Better to just stay home.

What is discipline?
When you go to the store to buy something you look at the price. If what you are buying is worth more than what they're asking you’ll make the purchase. If the price is too high, you leave it on the shelf.

You don’t buy a pair of shoes and say: “Look at me - look how much discipline I have”!

That’s why discipline is a lie. Discipline is not a character trait. Discipline is making a purchase.

The key to discipline is making sure you see the value. If you see the value you will sacrifice the effort. If you don’t you won’t.

A great example is Kmart.

It closed.

They say they got wiped out by places like Walmart and Kohl's.

I’m calling B.S.

They forgot one important thing. If you want people to buy your stuff you’ve got to have the prices clearly marked.

I used to avoid Kmart. You could never find the prices. You’d literally have to take stuff up to the counter and have it scanned to see how much it cost. 

Thousands of other people avoided Kmart too.

Structure
You don't need discipline. You need structure.  

Structure means you know what you are getting in exchange for your effort. When a structure is in place it lets you see a clear path to your reward. Structure says: “If you do this then you get that”.

Structure requires stability.

Sifu Brown says: “Environment is stronger than will”.

If you are in an unstable situation you will not have predictable rewards. You must have stability. You can’t set goals if there is constant fighting and threats around you.

I left home at 15. Life got immediately better.

Do whatever it takes to create stability in your life.

Create Your Own Structure
Most of the structure you live with was imposed on you from outside. Society already put systems in place. They told you to go to school. Go to college. Get a good job.

They didn’t tell you how to get in good shape. How to create art. They didn't tell you how to become a martial artist.

Maybe that's what makes our dojo unique. We believe in structure. But we also believe a student must learn to create their own structure.

 Students must create goals not set up by a belt system. They set goals based on knowing what martial art practice will do for their lives.

As Professor Pedro Sauer put it: "In America people are taught to be motivated by belts. In Brazil we believe the mat should motivate the student".

Our high ranks come to class not because of something we give them. They come to class because of something they've learned to find for themselves.

If you want more you have to have create your own structure.

It’s Simple. Here’s how.

Pick certain things you love to do. Use them as your reward for doing the things you should do.

Don’t let a day go by without giving yourself your rewards.

Make your rewards immediate.

Telling a kid to go to school so he'll have a good job when he's 30 won’t work. You’ve got to give him a reason to go to school - TODAY.

Tell a single guy he’ll get cancer in 20 years if he keeps smoking does nothing. Tell the same guy he can date his crush, but she hates cigarettes and he’ll stop.

Consequences and rewards are powerful when they are felt NOW.

Bribe yourself
Say to yourself: “If I run 3 miles then I’ll watch TV”. Or “If I spend an hour practicing; then I’ll surf the internet”. Whatever it is that you want. You bribe yourself with your favorite things.

At 15 I cured myself of skipping school. I decided I wouldn’t allowed myself to go to Karate unless I was in school that day.

I’d wake up in the morning thinking about karate. It got me out of bed. Got me in the shower. Got me to school. Karate was the bribe that got me going.

There are probably dozens of rewards in your life you can use the same way.

Pick a few of them. Attach your reward to those things you know you should be doing.

Now I’m ending this post.

It's time to drink an expensive coffee.

Coffee is my reward.

I didn't feel like it. I wrote today anyway.

I wish I had discovered coffee at 15.

I might be President.

Waiving At Cops

Today would have been his birthday.

But he got shot in the heart.

Right through his bullet proof vest.

I guess that’s why they call those kind of bullets “cop killers”.

He was my friend. A loving Father. An incredible martial artist. He helped a lot of people.

He was a good cop.

They call it "suicide by cop". Someone wants to kill themselves and they want to take an officer with them.

I’m so sorry my friend was murdered.

My Son.

They pulled him over. They tried to intimidate him with their flashlights. They did.

They had practiced being bullies. It was like a play in football. They had it down to a science. What tone to use. What questions to ask. How to make people feel scared.

It’s a rabbit hunt. They were the dogs. He was the rabbit.

What did he do wrong?

Nothing.

Or at least not enough for me to remember.

They got him. More money for the tax. More money for the salaries.

I’m glad he was respectful. Otherwise he might have gotten hurt. I’m glad my son got home safe.

Other kids haven’t always been so lucky.

When I was a little boy the most popular shows we’re: “The Andy Griffith Show” and “Adam 12”. They showed us the way we wanted our police to be. The people who helped us. The people who kept us safe.

My Mom always told me the Police are your friend.

She taught me to always wave at them.

I remember one time she got stopped for a tail light or something. She had baked cookies with her. She shared them with the officer. He was delighted. He even ate one with us.

Now when I’m around cops I feel scared. I don’t know what’s going to happen.

Some of the squad cars say: “To protect and serve”.

I don’t think that’s true.

There are so many rules. So many forms. No one has time to keep us safe.

Too much paperwork.

We create rules so we don’t have to think. Educate a kid; that’s hard work. Rip out his creativity; that’s the easy way.

Get him to color inside the lines and your job is cake.

Lots of people like cake.

So the system hires rule followers. It promotes rule followers. It creates rule followers.

To what purpose? To make sure the rest of the world becomes rule followers too. That way no one rocks the boat.

It’s like that old episode of “South Park”. They go to the amusement park and get in the “Line Ride”. Everybody waits in line for hours only to find the line just ends.

That’s the ride.

So goes our legal system.

In the movies when there is a cop who thinks for themselves they are called a “Loose Cannon”. A cop who doesn’t always follow the rules. A cop who does what’s right, even if it’s not in the play book.

These cops are our heroes.

My friend was a hero. He was off duty that day. He went to help anyway.

He should have shot the kid on the spot. He broke the rules.

He didn’t want to kill the kid in front of his Mom. Now my friend is dead.

He was a loose cannon.

Sometimes it doesn’t pay.

I understand why there are bad cops. It's tough. Good cops don't always fit in.

They have to stand up to people who hate them and still treat them with respect.

Sometimes they get murdered.

It’s got to stop.

Sometimes I can’t tell the difference between good cops and the bad ones.

So I have a choice.

I can treat ALL of them like they are bad. I can continue to hide and be scared.

Or.

I can treat ALL of them like they are good. Like my friend.

Maybe I should stop asking the world to change and instead change myself.

Can I change the way I look at the police?

Maybe when I look into their eyes I can see my friends eyes. Maybe I can forgive more and love more.

Maybe if I treat them ALL like good cops more of them will become good cops. 

My Mom was naive. But my Mom was right.

That’s why I waive at cops.

Usually they wave back.

How To Commit Suicide. (The Easy Way)

I hid the picture.

Sempai Shelly makes fun of it.

I hope no one ever sees it.

I looked like I was dying. Pasty white, gaunt, crooked teeth. Like a skeleton. Like the Hobgoblin from Spider-man without the muscles.

Standing with Chuck Norris’s arm around me.

That’s what happens to you when you start to die. It shows in pictures.

They hadn't put me in the coffin yet. They might as well have.

I was in a relationship that was dead.

I was surrounded by insecure people. People just like me.

I put money before health. I thought money came from effort. Since there was never enough money there was never enough effort. I was killing myself.

Caring for my health and my body was secondary.

Secondary things don’t get done.

My mind was weak. I didn’t know how to make my mind strong. I didn’t know how to THINK.

Spiritually I was dead. I forgot to be grateful.

There I was. Standing beside Chuck Norris. His life was 100% opposite mine.

The picture told it all.

Want to tear down a house? There’s the easy way and the hard way.

The hard way is you hire contractors and they come out with heavy equipment.

The easy way is abandon it. Stop improving it. Leave it empty.

It might take twenty years the easy way. But it will start breaking down from the very first week.

Most people are committing suicide.

I was committing suicide. I was on the twenty year plan.

Directions for suicide. (The easy way).

Surround yourself with bargaining chips instead of friends.
“If you do this for me… then I’ll do that for you”.

These are not friends. These are business transactions. Bad business transactions.

These people do not support you. They suck the life out of you.

I was a fool. I gave them what they wanted.

But when you give them what they want, it’s never enough.

It’s not their fault. There will always be people like this. They are what they are. They are like head lice. They are just looking for a host. Someone who doesn’t bathe enough.

I was dirty. They found me.

If you want great people around you you’ve got to mentally bathe every day.
 

Put money first.
As the saying goes. “Money makes a wonderful servant, but a terrible master”.

When I was a kid I wanted a trophy. My brother had some trophies for basketball. I thought if I got even just one trophy it would make me happy.

I signed up for Karate. I went to my first tournament. I won. I had a huge trophy!

But it looked so alone there on my dresser. It really needed to be balanced out by another.

And another. And another. And another. It never ends.

Money’s like that. When money is your main priority it doesn’t matter how much you’ve got. You’ll want more.

When money’s your goal you will sacrifice your health, your relationships, even your happiness to find more.

The crazy thing is that when health, relationships and happiness disappear...

... so does the money.

Stop developing your mind.
Most people never learn how to develop their mind.

You develop your mind by thinking.

But most people don’t know how to think.

We are taught to obey. Not think.

Thinking is creating. Thinking is staying on a subject long enough for the good ideas to come. Writing them down. Exercising the mind until it becomes strong.

Thinking is like seated meditation. You start; you get bored and say “This is a waste of time”. You stop and figure it’s just not for you. But if you stay, if you keep meditating you’ll see. Your mind will become stronger. More focused.

I heard a poet said. “If you walk around New York for ten minutes you’ll be aware of the tall buildings. If you walk around New York all day the buildings will make you SCREAM”.

You’ve got to think long enough that your mind muscles begin to scream. They scream, they get tired, they get stronger. You get smarter.

Think for ten minutes that’s one thing. Think for an hour every day and your life will change.

The most important thing you do today will involve silence and a pad of paper.

Try it. Write down ten ideas on any subject. You’ll get to four or five easy. But going further is hard work. That’s what exercising your mind feels like.

Do this daily.

Don’t skip even one day.

Stop caring for you health.
Start every day with one simple question. How can I improve my health by 1% today?

As I’m writing this post I’m standing. I figured out how to put my laptop on top of a small table that I can stack on top of my coffee table. That’s my 1% today.

I’m not sure what it will be tomorrow.

Stop being thankful.
I used to tell staff to encourage kids. Find them doing things right and build them up. Build kids up 10 times for every time you correct.

You know what I found?

It was hard for staff to build kids up because they hadn’t practiced. They’d walk around and say: “That’s good” over and over again. “Good” was the only compliment they knew how to give.

They hadn’t practiced.

I made up a list. The list was called “100 ways to give a compliment”. It listed 100 different ways to tell someone they are doing a good job. Words like “Fantastic”, “Fabulous”, “You just made my day”, and 97 more.

Our staff became experts in praise.

Gratitude is like that. If you can’t think of enough things to thank God for it it doesn’t mean She’s not giving them to you. It only means you haven’t practiced looking!

Get out your pad of paper again and write down ten things you are thankful for. Do this every single day.

For the rest of your life..

Making the mistake of trying to take negative people with you.
The people you have in your life right now are the sum total of the people you deserve. You attracted them based on your level of thinking.

When you change your level of thinking they get uncomfortable.

It’s natural to want to save them. You are dying and in some way they wouldn’t be with you unless they were dying too. It's sad to watch others die. You might want to reach out your hand to save them.

Don't.

If you do they will try and pull you back down.

Instead imagine yourself as cutting through a jungle with a machete.

Cut! Cut! Cut!

Nice trail. If they want to follow they will.

Don’t look back.

I hope some day I get to meet Chuck Norris again. I hope someone takes a picture.

I bet he won’t recognize me.

Why I'm a Racist.

I was an ass.

I brought three friends to La Magarita Mexican restaurant. I was a kid showing off. I was loud and rude to the waitress. The owner had to come over.

Leo was a hulking Mexican American. He owned the place.

He looked at me. Looked at the other young people I was trying to look cool in front of.

With one word he could cut me. Embarrass me.  Make me look like the idiot I was.

Inside I was scared and ashamed.

I was like a sweaty spaghetti western bandit. Hands shaking. Looking into the eyes of Clint Eastwood.

Leo saw the whole thing. How I was showing off. How angry the waitress was. How stupid I was.

A quick flash of anger. I saw in his eyes he was thinking about throwing me out.

It was coming… I’ve screwed up big time.

… god; why did I do this?

In my head I heard the theme from “The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly”.

His eyes turned to slits.

Not anger...

A smile.

“It’s OK”, he said. “This is my friend - make things right for him”.

Everyone's jaw dropped. Especially mine.

He looked through my stupidity. He chose compassion. He was kind.

That was 30 years ago.

Ever since then I’ve been a racist.

I can’t help it.

Every time I see a Mexican American I think of that one act of kindness. I know their are bad Mexicans. I never see them.

Bad Mexicans are like Bigfoot. I believe in them; but I haven’t come across any yet.

Leo made it impossible to see bad ones.

I just got back from Tucson.

Things are different there.

Everyone is SO friendly and kind.

Tucson is heavily influenced by Mexicans.

I met Raul on the way to the dumpster. He was working for an insurance company on a water leak.

I said: “Wow; what a pretty day”.

He said: “Yes it is; I’m so lucky to live here near the mountains. I love my job. I like to work and it’s fun to help people”.

I said: “What do you do”?

“I work for a company that fixes water damage. Here’s our card. If you meet anyone who has a leak please call my boss”. - He was selling; always selling his company. I like that.

“I just bought a place. We’ve got a lot of odd jobs. Some plumbing, painting, a door that needs repair. Does your company do anything like that”?

“No, I am sorry. We do strictly insurance work. But I do all of those things; plus I am an artist. I weld metal sculptures”.

“Could you take a look and give me a bid”?

“No; I’m sorry - I am working for my boss right now. But if you give me your number I’ll call you after five and look”.

Raul handed me his card. In the bottom right hand corner it said:

“NOT LICENSED”

I like that too.

Raul came back after five. Gave me an estimate. Not cheap. Not expensive. Fair.

He showed up on time. Worked hard. Cleaned up perfectly. Took pride. Thanked us for using him. Ran into several problems and handled them despite some unexpected trips to the store.

“Because of the problems do we owe you more”?

“No. I always expect problems. I build them into my bids.”

Tucson is different.

At least Raul is.

My experience with Raul reinforced my racism. Mexicans are some of the most honest, hard working, and kind people I’ve met. I know it’s wrong to favor them over other Americans. I do anyway.

I love their art. Their food. Their culture.

I want to be more like Leo and Raul. I’ve learned from them Here is what they’ve taught me.

Be Thankful.
Every day is a gift. Remember how good we’ve got it in this rich country.

Be Courteous.
Say thank you and please. Say it a lot.

Work Hard.
Push yourself. By working harder than others you will get blessings that others don’t.

Value Family.
At the end of the day they are the ones that will take care of you when you're old. They'll be with you when you're sick. They love you no matter what.

Have Integrity.
Show up when you say you're going to. Plan ahead for problems. Build potential problems into your promises. No excuses.

Respect Others Equally.
Don’t treat a person with a lot of letters in front of their name as if they have more value. Usually they don’t.

Treat everyone the same no matter income or position.

Don’t hire based on a degree on a wall. Hire based on the degree of character in the heart.

Be Thrifty.
Raul said: “I stay at home and I spend money. I do jobs and I make money. I’d rather make money than spend it. It’s better for my family and my life”.

Be Kind
Just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should. Look at the whole picture. Strength is not measured based on who you defeat. Strength is measured based on who you help win.

Talk to People.
Your success will be measured by the quality and quantity of the friends you have.

New friends are waiting. They can only be your friends if you talk to them.

If you're ever in Tucson and need some work done, give Raule a call. Email me and I’ll send you his number.

If you’re in Fort Wayne give La Margarita a visit. The first Mexican restaurant in Fort Wayne, still family owned. Still the best.

I’m a racist.

No one’s perfect.

These Final Hours

You are going to die.

The sparks are flying everywhere. You can feel the heat from 100 miles away.

The earth is burning. You only have minutes to live.

Who do you want to spend it with?

I’m tired today. I stayed up way too late last night.

I thought I’d watch some Netflix before I went to bed. Turned on a movie I’d never heard of… couldn’t turn it off. Been thinking about it all day.

Watch it. It’s called: “These Final Hours”

It’s about the end of the world. What happens when everyone knows it’s coming. How everyone deals with it.

Some people become cruel. They murder, steal and rape. They want to get what they can while they can.

Other people try and numb away the thought. They turn to drugs. Alcohol. Sex.

Some people become survivalists. If they can just get tough enough maybe they can survive. These people remind me of many of the people who call themselves “martial artists” today. I don’t think this is martial arts at all.

Still others try to face mortality with quiet dignity. With love for others and for those around them.

It begs an important question.

If you absolutely knew you were going to die; how would you spend the rest of your life?

Real martial arts is learning to live with this quiet dignity.

We look out into the darkness and are scared. We don’t always know what’s next. But when we face our future with mindfulness one thing we become certain of.

Love is more powerful than death.

There is no death. There is only love snatching us back into its womb.

We only have a little time together.

How will you spend it?

How To Train (And Write) Like Garbage.

I worked hard; but it stunk.

Three hours of writing down the drain.

It was filled with selfishness.

I was trying to write about learning martial arts. How to help people learn faster.

But I kept sticking in little bits and pieces about me. Things that would make me look cool.

Garbage.

Then it hit me. That’s the point.

Learning martial arts is about letting go of selfishness. Getting rid of the part of you that wants to be cool. Getting rid of the part of you that CARES about what other people think. Dumping your ego.

Good writing and good martial arts are the same.

One time I heard Eddie Van Halen say there are only two kinds of music; good and bad.

Good music takes you places.

Bad music leaves you in your head.

Martial Arts is like that.

You don’t do good martial arts. Good martial arts does you.

Here’s are some things that will help you be a good martial artist. It doesn’t matter what dojo or what style. Maybe these ideas will help you be good at ANYTHING you want to learn.

Build habits.
Habits are more important than goals.

The best habit you can build is to practice daily. By practicing every single day (even if it’s five minutes) your life will be transform in one year.

Attend regularly.
Don’t kid yourself. You will always work out harder in the dojo than at home. Be on the mats at least twice a week. More if you can.

Don’t skip weeks and think you can make it up later. You can’t.

Keep a journal.
Every time you go to class learn one new thing, no matter how small.

After class write down what you learned.

Make your dojo better.
Never allow yourself to enter your dojo without making it better. If you see something out of place pick it up. If you see someone who needs help give it to them. Even the tiniest of actions matters.

Write down what you did in your journal.

Don’t tell anyone.

Stay late.
You’re already in uniform; you’re already sweating. Take advantage.

Your class is when you learn from your instructor. After class is when you learn from others.  

Practice forms, free roll, sparr, work timing drills. It doesn’t matter. Just stay.

Read
Read about your art. Read about other arts. Read books on technique, but go to the back and find the places here there are no pictures and only words. Especially read those parts. Learn the history and philosophy.

If your teacher learned from from someone (even if who they learned from isn't a martial artist) read that stuff too.

Don’t get pulled in.
Even in the best dojo’s there are egos.

Any time your ego gets involved it will ruin you.

Don’t let it.

When you have the feeling of competition your ego’s got you. People who are filled with ego are always looking to beat others. It’s what the ego does.

Don’t fight these people. Don’t participate. Let them go first.

Let them win.

When I started Karate I used to fold my gi the traditional Japanese way.

A lot of the other beginners made fun of me.

Five years later the students who had teased me were no longer practicing. They had all quit.

Five years later I was allowed to go to the advanced class. In the advanced class EVERYONE was folding this way.

Keep doing what you think is right. Ignore what other people think.

Etiquette.
Ego says: “It’s about me”.

Etiquette says: It’s about YOU”.

When you roll sometimes let lower ranks tap you. When you spar let less skilled people score on you. Don’t let them know.

Learn your dojo’s traditions; but don’t get hung up. Break tradition if you need to if it helps put others first.

For years my styles tradition was for everyone to come to attention and bow when the head teacher stepped onto the mats.

Then we moved the dojo.

In our new location you had to cross the mat in order to go to the bathroom.

I broke the tradition. I told everyone to stop bowing to me.

I was tired of the class stopping all the time.

I was tired of everyone knowing when I had to pee.

Where are you coming from?

Watch yourself throughout your day. At work, at home, at your kids soccer game, maybe even when you write. 

Are you trying to manipulate? Are you trying to make yourself look cool?

Or…

… are you coming from love?

For god’s sake, if you write something try to make it about OTHERS.  Try to give. Try to serve.

If your ego gets involved, cut your losses.

Throw what you wrote in the garbage.

Pray nobody finds it.

Wayne Dyer

He’s gone.

Yesterday the world changed. We had the chance to share our lives with one of the most beautiful people to walk our planet. That era is over.

Dr. Wayne Dyer passed away yesterday.

He changed my life. His message will continue to change the lives of thousands.

I had the opportunity to meet Dr. Dyer several years ago. He spoke at a martial arts convention. A friend of mine was coordinating the event and asked Wayne if he would be willing to speak.

Dr. Dyer graciously said yes, and gave an amazing presentation. Wayne commanded tens of thousands of dollars to speak at events. He visited us for free.

Whenever he felt something was just right to do he would do it. He never regarded money as his deciding factor.

I walked up to him after the event; grinned ear to ear and and looked into his joy filled eyes and said: “Could I get a Wayne Dyer hug”?

“Of course”! He beamed.

I got one of the most genuine hugs of my life. Certain moments you remember a lifetime. Here I was - this big scary martial arts guy asking to hug our speaker. He was delighted!

Sempai Shelly was there and wanted to get a picture. Dr. Dyer took his head (as shaved as mine is) and said; “Let’s put our heads together and make an ass of ourselves”! The picture was captured we laughed about it a lot.

I can’t find it; I wish I could show it to you.

The list of people Wayne Dyer influenced is so vast books could be written about it. I highly recommend his personal autobiography: “I Can See Clearly Now”. It’s very telling of the type of person Wayne was; and will leave you with chills, and a few tears.

When I was a little boy my Mom had a copy of his first book; “Your Erroneous Zones”. I tried to read it but I was too young. But I knew even then there was something special inside that book. My Mom knew it too.

I think God put that book in her hand so I would see it. God was saying: “Pay attention to this - when you’re old enough there is something in here you need”.

When I was older I read cover to cover, several times. That book made my life and our dojo what it is today.

I’ve spend thousands of hours listening to Dr. Dyer. Learning from his spoken and written words. Without a doubt he’s among my greatest teachers.

Here are a few of the biggest lessons he taught me. I hope there is something here for you.

You are responsible for everything in your life.
You do not feel bad because of anything others do. You only feel bad because of how you chose to focus. You are responsible for your own emotions.

All abundance comes from giving.
The more you give the more you get. Do not limit giving to money or you will run out quickly. Instead give from your gifts, your encouragement, your heart. You become wealthy by giving.

All fear and negative emotion come from selfishness.
When I’m scared it only means I’m not thinking of others. If I'm scared or worried or angry; all I have to do is find someone to help. As soon as I start helping others everything bad goes away.

Sleep well.
Before you go to bed each night take stock of your day. Ask yourself: “Who did I help today”? Ask yourself: “What are all the things I’m thankful for”? Take this spirit of giving and gratitude into the hidden one third of your life called sleep. In the morning you will feel reborn.

There are no accidents.
The little things in life that you think are coincidence are not. You are here for a reason and everything that happens to you is part of this purpose.

There is no death.
We are all eternal. We go on.

I have many teachers. Some in the body; some are not.

My Mom speaks to me all the time. So do my Aunt and my Grandmother.

Teachers answer your questions. All you have to do is to ask. Sometimes you can feel them right beside you. Guiding you; maybe even hugging you.

They help you make right decisions. Decisions always based on love. 

Dr. Dyer may have left the body; but I am still learning from him.

You can too.

"The ego came knocking on my door.
Love answered.
No one was home".

- Dr. Wayne Dyer
5/10/40 - 8/29/15

Exit With Grace

Her toe was bleeding everywhere.

My back was aching and I was tired. (I didn’t want to help with all the tables but it wouldn’t have been right not to).

Someone was searching for bandages. Some people were starting to fight. Someone else called 911.

It was going to be a long night.

Earlier at the party I heard the volume rise to a slightly uncomfortable level. At some point people stopped laughing at things that were actually funny and instead laughed at everything. More scraping of chairs, more things breaking and getting tipped over.

I knew it was time to go.

But I didn’t.

All hell broke loose a few minutes later.

That’s the thing about making an exit. It’s all about timing.

The trick is you’ve got to exit when things start to get sloppy. Sloppyness sounds like the volume is a little too loud. People aren’t really listening anymore. Lots of your friends have already left.

You don’t want to leave at the end of the party; that’s where the drama happens. That’s where all the BAD things happen.

You want to leave the party with grace. While everyone is still happy. While everyone is still SOBER.

In Karate; after a series of movements, there is step away and a sharp and snappy low block. I asked a teacher why this movement. He replied: “Because you’ve got to learn to exit with grace.”

Good advice.

I try and remember; whether it’s a stock, a martial arts move, or even a party; when it seems like it might be time to go… it probably is.

Exit with grace.

A few days ago the oldest member my community passed.

His name was Tom; and Tom was one of the sweetest content people I’ve ever met. Tom was 88, got around fine, drove every day to get his coffee at Panera.

He got in his car outside his restaurant, slumped over his steering wheel and died.

They said he had a heart attack. Took him to the hospital and tried to revive him with all the tubes and things.

They wanted him to stay; but Tom knew it was time to leave the party.

No bloody toes. No fights. No drunks. Tom left before things got messy.

I hope I can have as much grace.

Choke Out Your Day

My day sucks.

I'm depressed; I feel like a flop.

I had so much I wanted to get done. Instead my day had other plans.

I accidentally left the interior light of my car on last night and my battery is drained.

Getting my car started took me the better part of my morning. I didn’t get anything I wanted finished.

Ever had a day like that?

I’m going to show you how to never let it happen again.

Jiu Jitsu
First I’m going to tell you about Jiu Jitsu.

Almost everyone who starts thinks it's about power. Everyone tries to use muscle to move their partner to different positions. They try and use speed to get to a better spot. They try and use strength to break free of certain positions or locks.

Using power doesn't work. You  get exhausted and you lose.

Good jiu jitsu is like rock climbing. The inexperienced climber tries to use upper body strength, the experience climber uses positions and leverage to get up the wall.

Jiu jitsu starts with no preconceived notions. Just learning to feel the partner's movements; to pull when they push, to push when they pull. A great jiu jitsu player will stay connected with you, changing his energy to match yours until ...

... something opens up.

A great jiu jitsu player does not submit you. YOU submit YOU, and they just follow your movements until it’s over.

Motivation
Kenneth Blanchard; author of “The One Minute Manager” used to spend most of his day wandering around pointing out what people were doing right. 

People's natural response is: “Oh ya; you think that was good - watch how much more I can do”! Having your accomplishments noticed motivates you.

So what does jiu jitsu and noticing your accomplishments have to do with a winning your day?

A lot.

Bad days are caused by bad Jiu Jitsu. You're trying to force your will on the day. You're trying to win your day with muscle!

You decided in advance what you want to do get done. But you didn’t know about the road construction or the sick kid. You couldn’t predict what life would pop up and throw you off.

When you’re stuck trying to muscle through a day, you miss all the opportunities to do OTHER THINGS that would drive you to your goals.

Planning your day is the mistake!

I can hear the objections: “But aren’t you supposed to start your day with a plan - to list the things you want to do and do them”?

NO!

Like a Brazilian jiu jitsu fighter who decides in advance what move he’s going to do; planning your day doesn't work. You wanted an arm-bar; but it’s not there. Better to move on to something else. Better to try a choke or a sweep. Maybe even tap and start again.

When your plan fails you get frustrated. Your mind is STUCK and you can’t think of anything else. Dozens of opportunities that would support your goals are right in front of you but you can’t see any of them because your plan has blinded you!

You’ve got to stay open, fluid, and have plenty of moves available. That’s how you win the day.

Time management that ALWAYS works.

Here’s the system I use to get a lot done but still stay flexible and motivated.

1. Remember themes; not specific things to do.

There are key life themes I’m going to work on. My key themes are:

Health
Mind
Abundance
Relationships

2. Develop one habit in each theme.
A habit is something you do every day. In each theme you want to develop one habit that you do every day. In the area of health it might be going for a walk. In the area of your mind it might mean meditating for five minutes.

Develop one habit in each area and do it every day!

3. Do your daily habits first.
The earlier you get to your daily habits the more likely you will be to get them done.

4. Ditch the “To Do” list. Replace it with an “Ideas” list.
Use your idea list when something else you are working on gets blocked. You’ve always got a list of items that will move you forward. You use your ideas list to stay flexible. Any time your day throws you a curve use your ideas list to head in a new direction.

5. Use the MOST powerful list. Create an “I DID” list.
This is the list that gets most of my attention. This is the list that motivates me.

Every time you finish a task you add it to your “I DID” list. Take a moment and congratulate yourself for doing something right. By writing down what you did and NOT what you are going to do, you get a burst of motivation.

Each day starts as a mystery. What you will get done today (other than your daily habits) is unknown. What IS known is your day will end in victory.

Ditch your “To Do” list. Start an “I DID” list.

Practice good Jiu Jitsu. Win your day.

Judge Judy Wants To Kill You

The car had severe damage! Her dad is standing angry behind her.

She didn’t have insurance.

Judge Judy ruled against her.

I didn’t want to hear about it. I didn’t want to get involved; but I was stuck at a Tim Horton’s doing my writing and they left the TV up too loud.

But a lot of life is like that. The drama just pulls us in.

Drama is seductive. Drama is magnetic. We want to walk away, but it’s hard.

The most precious resource on the planet is your attention. You know it’s the most precious; because everyone is trying to steal it!

Criminals may try and steal your money; but everyone - even honest people - want your attention.

Your attention is all you’ve got in this life.

If you give up your attention you’ve given away your life.

Sometimes we become people pleasers. We want to make other people happy and don’t want to offend. We haven’t learned to say no. Our low self esteem makes us want to stay and listen even when we should go. EVEN IF IT HURTS US!

Low self esteem is an attention problem. We’re focused on what other people think instead of spending the energy on our own thinking. So much easier to try and control what someone else thinks than to control our own mind.

We are lazy.

It’s so much easier to give up our attention (our life) than to do the real work. The real work is focusing; thinking.

The illusion is that distractions makes us feel like we are getting something done. We waste all this energy on activities, argument and drama. We think we are moving forward but we aren't. Unfocused business is like a vampire sucking away our life blood.

Sucking away our ATTENTION.

Ever watch a beginner sparring? Most of the time they bounce around and expend massive amounts of energy that has nothing to do with fighting. An experienced fighter waits long enough and the newbie gets tired. You get tired and you make mistakes. Then it’s over.

Most of us live our lives bouncing around. Working harder and harder thinking we are making progress.

We brag about our bouncing.

Look at how many hours I worked this week!

I don’t take anyone's crap; I’ll get right in their face!

Look at all my Facebook friends!

Look how busy I am; look at everything I have to do!

Busy people have one thing all in common. Busy people are selfish!

They are busy reacting to things. Doing things. Responding to things; all of the things they are doing have one thing in common. - Them.

A few months ago I woke up late for a business meeting. I rushed out of the shower; put on deodorant, splashed on some cologne, dressed and headed out the door.

So there I am; sitting in this tight room with about six other people. I notice that someone doesn’t smell very good. I couldn’t wait to get out of there; someone had really overdone it with the body spray or something.

After the meeting I got in my car.

I could still smell it. Then I realized…

...the smell was from me!

You think there is drama around you? The drama is coming from YOU!!

It’s your attention to it that creates it.

You are taking the lazy way out. You distract yourself. Focusing, takes so much more work than staying busy. But focusing pays a lot more too!

Sit and think.

Still the voices. Learn to meditate. Write down ideas. Think of others and how you can help them.

Walk away.

That’s what meditation is. Meditation is not just sitting quietly and focusing on the breath. Meditation is learning to WAIT. To stay focused on one subject long enough. Long enough for the ideas to come.

Someone stole someone's dog. She’s crying. She’s suing for damages.

The other person is yelling. Says she’s got nothing to do with it.

Judy can’t get either one of them to shut up.

God; I’ve got to get away.

I’m gone.

Competition

I lied.

I won.

I got a big trophy.

He had asked me what he needed to work on to improve.

I knew. Instead I told him something else.

He worked on the wrong thing; I beat him again.

My basement flooded so I had to throw the trophy away. I wish I could throw away my lie too.

That’s the thing about the ego. It wants to win. It doesn’t just want to be better, to have things, to accomplish. The ego wants to beat someone else.

The ego says: “Better to rule in hell than serve in heaven”.

But wisdom says: “Serve everyone; that’s how you get to heaven”.

A lady called me the other day. She told me her 9 year old was getting picked on at baseball practice. Thought some martial arts classes might help him. I agreed.

I tried to schedule his first lesson. We have class available almost every day of the week.

She hesitated. She said it wouldn’t work out.

I asked why?

She said: “Because he’s got baseball every day”.

In other words it was more important for her son to be part of a group, part of a competition; EVEN IF IT WAS HURTING HIM.

This is no way to live.

Something is wrong.
We compete for the wrong reasons. We want to win at the expense of others. We’re caught in “group think”.

The only real competition is trying to win over your ego. To win over the part of you that sacrifices your happiness, your relationships, even your health so that you can beat another person.

Competition has it’s place. But listen to the greatest coaches of all time. They will tell you real competition is with something inside of you. The reaching for more, the striving to stick with your discipline, to find a way to improve even if it’s only by 1%.

Coach Mike Krzyzewski of Duke said the key was getting his players to out work the other team.

Duke would often be in situations where they played smaller less talented schools. Coach K would tell his players that at the end of the game everyone else would look at the scoreboard to tell who won. But Coach K would come up with his own scoreboard. Only he and his players would know who really won based on his own system of scoring.

How many times did we dive to the floor for a loose ball?

How many times did we get back faster on defense?

How many times did we out hustle the other team?

To Kryzyzewski  winning is not decided on the scoreboard; but based on the parts of the game where everyone was equal. Winning was out playing other teams where it counts. Discipline and effort.

“If we win the effort game against a little school; that’s how we really win. It’s what prepares us to face Kentucky or Ohio state; If we lose the effort battle to a little school we didn’t earn the right to beat the big ones”.

Don’t take the lazy way out.
There is always a lazy way. The lazy way is trying to beat someone or something outside yourself.

Your lazy when you run out of ideas.

When you have no ideas you feel lost.  You need an enemy. So you find an enemy (or make one up) so you have someone to compete with.

You don’t want to do the real work. The real work is finding a way to get a little bit better today than you were yesterday. You don't want to do the work of making yourself better; instead you compete.

Ikea
I was at an Ikea yesterday.

Ikea is one of the most egoless companies I’ve ever seen. Ikea refuses to compete.

Ikea operates under a vision; how to we create something cool to make the world a better place and serve others. Ikea doesn’t compete with Wal-Mart or Penny’s. Ikea renders other retailers inconsequential.

Ikea focuses on it’s core, it’s values, it’s principles.

Ikea doesn’t care about competing with anyone else. Ikea is busy diving onto the floor grabbing lose balls. It looks to me like they’ve collected quite a few.

Today I have “competitors” in “business” who want to know my methods of operation.

I tell them the truth.

I tell them about my secret sauce.

It’s sitting alone in a quiet room thinking. Asking myself how we can do better. Focusing on what we believe as a dojo and trying to sharpen the way I live by that code every day.

Finding ways to improve and put others first makes competition inconsequential. What other people do has nothing to do with with our decision to get better.

We can't be lazy.

I don’t lie anymore. They don’t give me trophies.

I don’t want one.

How To Be The Best In The World

I was the best in the world.

I was best in the world at one Karate form (kata). I practiced it and competed with it for fifteen years.

The form was unique and particular.

So was I.

Here is what becoming the best taught me.

Be Unique.
From the moment I learned the movements of the form I loved it. It somehow just felt special to me. At that time very few other people were practicing it. I enjoyed it and it was rare.

That’s a key to being the best in the world. Pick something you like, something you can make your own, and something that not very many other people are doing.

Don’t worry when people copy you.
Near the end of my “best in the world” run people started copying me. It’s normal.

God put you here to do something unique. If someone starts to copy you (and is doing it as well as you) it’s only God’s way of telling you you’ve overstayed. Someone else is now ready for the job; the universe doesn’t need two of you.

In a way you’ve done the executive maneuver of replacing yourself. That’s a great thing.

The trick to being the best in the world is not to compete for that spot with others. You have to find a thing unique to you. Find a niche; something that only you can do. Remember; the best fishing is where there are the fewest lines.

Keep doing that unique thing; only stop doing it when you notice other people are as good as you. When others are as good it’s time to move on. Find something you can be best in the world at again.

You’ve got to work hard.
I was best in the world because I worked harder and longer on the form than anyone alive. I won more tournaments with that form than anyone too. (Probably before or since).

Show up to win.
I traveled to a lot of tournaments. I noticed other competitors who would spend thousands of dollars showing up to an event, and it was obvious they weren’t going to win. You could tell just by watching them warm up.

One time I asked a guy if he had prepared to win. He said no; he really didn’t intend on winning. Going to tournaments was just a hobby.

I realized that the vast majority of my competitors where just like that. They didn’t want to win; they just enjoyed showing up. Life is like that too; the majority of people you think you are competing against haven’t even joined the competition.

Nothing wrong with hobbies; just know the difference. Most people are enjoying a hobby. They don’t intend on winning at business, it’s just a hobby. They don’t want to win the girl; she’s just a hobby. They don’t want to win the bid on the dream house; it’s just a hobby.

Hobbies are fine. Just don’t kid yourself and pretend you are competing when you're really just enjoying a hobby.

To be the best in the world it can’t be a hobby. You have to want it.

How to use politics.
I noticed some judges liked my performance some did not. These judgements were subjective; they were based on unique life experience. I got to the point where I could look at who the judges were and know if I was going to win or lose.

I wanted to win every time; not just when the right judges were present.

I made a decision. Whenever a judge gave me a poor score I would go up and talk to him after the event. I’d ask for advice; what was he looking for? How could I have done a better job?

Some of the advice was great; it made my form better.

Most of the advice was crap. It it didn’t matter, because I noticed whenever I talked to the judges and asked them for help they always gave me higher scores next time. I even became friends with some of them.

If you want to excel you’ve got to communicate with those who can help you. That’s what politics is; making friends - even with people you disagree with.

The people that will help you become best in the world are not the ones that agree with you. The people that make you best in the world are the ones who don’t like you!

Glass ceilings.
When I started competing I was good; very good.

I noticed early on that my form was better than some of the people I was losing to. This is not arrogance or ego; this is fact.

I was an unproven commodity. Judges saw my form; but they sometimes didn't give me the scores I deserved because often they were afraid. They didn’t want to embarrass themselves by making a wrong choice.

People don’t trust their eyes until they see OTHER people trusting in you first. They didn’t trust their eyes until they saw OTHER judges give me high scores.

This is called a glass ceiling.

No one wants to give you what you deserve until they see other people giving it to you. No one wants to hire the woman executive until everyone else does. No one wants to be the first to give the young public speaker the gig. No one wants to put themselves out on a limb. They need someone else to do it first so they know the limb is safe.

The way through the ceiling is through tenacity. I’d just keep showing up and doing my best. I knew eventually I’d show up at an event that the front runner didn’t show up for.

With no other front runner, the judges then had no pressure; they could give higher scores

because there was no one else.

After a few easy wins I became the new front runner.

When you become the new front-runner you are the one who gets the benefit of the doubt. You are the one the judges trust. You are the one who won’t embarrass them in front of their peers.

To smash through the glass ceiling, keep showing up. Show up especially in the places that no one else is willing to go. That’s when you win them over. That’s when you become the new front runner.

When I was the front-runner I got the benefit of doubt. There were even a few days where someone performed better than me. The judges still gave me the victory.

I deserved it.

The power of timing.
I noticed the order of competition had a big impact on scoring. If a competitor got stuck having to run at the beginning of a division they always struggled. Judges would just naturally loosen up the scoring as you got closer to the end of the event.

Early in the scoring process judges are less likely to go out on a limb; they are still feeling things out. Near the end of the division the high scores usually come out because the judges feel more secure.

It’s hard to win if you get an unlucky draw.

… unless…

… you become so much better than everyone else it doesn’t matter.

I learned to never use bad luck as an excuse for not winning. My job was to be so good that even if I went first; they would still remember me at the end.

The power of one right move.
In my competition days I had one signature move.

I would pivot and do a back leg side kick; high in the air, in SLOW MOTION. To pull the move off my balance had to be perfect; one wobble and I’d lose. My balance had to be perfect. My posture had to be perfect. My breathing had to be perfect. If my heart was beating too fastI would be thrown off. If my heart wasn’t beating fast enough that would throw me off too. In other words I had to do dozens of things right to be in position to pull off the perfect move.

Sometimes in life everything depends on one right move. You’ve got to do thousands of hours to be in position for the move. You’ve got to know the move. You’ve got to execute it perfectly.

But when you put your leg down; and you hear a roar in the crowd - you know you’ve got a ways to go ….

… but you’ve already won.

Recap.

Pick something that is unique to you and work harder at it than anyone else.

When others copy you move on. God doesn’t want two of you.

Success is more than a hobby.

Glass ceilings are overcome by showing up when others don’t.

Understand relationships and timing.

Know the value of one well executed move….

Pick one thing and it. That's it.

Running With Bobby Knight

Yesterday I went for a run with Bobby Knight.

Actually I did all the running. He just spoke to me through his book. But it felt like he was there.

That’s the thing about reading (or listening); Some guy spends 40 years learning; and gives it all to you while you’re jogging.

Here’s what the second most winning coach in NCAA history taught me.

We have an “optimism” bias.

Something like 80% of the American people think they are in the top 20%. We think we are smarter, luckier, and better looking than what we usually are.

Since most people are overly optimistic they often take unnecessary risks. We lose our discipline and hope for luck. We smoke, we refuse to exercise, we fail to educate ourselves.

After all cancer, heart disease and poverty can’t happen to us…. right?

Bad habits are easier to avoid than quit.

I’ve never smoked. I’ve never even tried smoking (a few years ago a friend let me take a single puff.

Yuck!!

It must be an acquired taste. But since it’s expensive, messy, and will kill you; why acquire it?

"No", "Don’t", and "Can’t" are Bobby Knight's favorite words. (As an old IU fan I remember he used to have another favorite; it was “Luck”, only he used an “F” instead of the “L”. Even Coach Knight has settled down with age.)

Knight means that preventing problems is more important than fixing things later. NO - don’t take that shot! DON'T pass the ball to the guy who can get trapped! You CAN't power through that guy who’s got position!

Discipline yourself to avoid challenges BEFORE they become problems.

Self Discipline is trying your best.
You can’t always perform your best; but you can try your best - no matter what.

You can’t always control your outcomes; but you can control your effort. If you did your preparation, gave it all you have, and you still lose it hurts. But the hurt will never go away when you lose and know you didn’t give your best.

Certain opportunities in life only give you one chance.

Coach Knight tells a great story about trying to educate his son Pat. When Pat was nine they decided to play a game of pool. Coach saw that Pat wasn’t really trying; so he quickly beat the boy.

Pat started to rack the balls up for a rematch. Bobby Knight said: “No thank you son; sometimes in life you only get one chance.”

Two weeks later Pat challenged his Dad to another game (he had been practicing in secret). This time he beat his Father. Coach said: “How about a rematch?”

The nine year old said: “I’m sorry Dad - in life sometimes you only get one chance”.

Don’t bring God into competition.

God has bigger things to do than help you win and make someone else lose. God’s isn’t responsible for shoring up your failure to prepare.

I used to know a woman who was always asking God for things. She would lay around, and not show up for work. But then she’d say “God; please help me with my bills.”

God’s help never arrived.

God was busy keeping the planets in their orbit. God was also busy helping people who were out working.

Practice is not “fun”; winning is.

The choice is yours.

Have fun when you practice, and mourn your loss…

or…

practice hard; and have fun when you win.

Don’t use “positive thinking” to justify not doing the work.

Sometimes “positive thinking” becomes an excuse. It’s not positive thinking that makes the biggest difference; instead it’s accurate thinking. Design daily disciplines to accomplish your goals. Follow your plan, measure the results; keep adjusting and practicing.

Winners celebrate victories briefly.

Winners move on to the next match quickly and work to eliminate mistakes. Losers overly celebrate victory; they lose valuable preparation time by congratulating themselves far too long.

When you win quickly acknowledge it - but get back to work!

Thank you Coach Knight for the lessons.

Bobby Knight reminded me of the dangers of not getting the work done. Of using optimism as a crutch for a lack of discipline. Success is about discipline. It takes discipline to stay on the right course; it takes discipline to walk away from the wrong one.

Warren Buffett once said: “Average people say yes to everything; successful people say no to just about everything.”

Success is often more about saying no than anything else.

Say no to the extra glass of wine.

Say no to skipping class.

Say no to the voice in your head that tempts you to stop doing the work. (After all that guy over there has more and he’s not doing much.)

Don’t rely on luck; rely on discipline. Review the numbers. Stick with the plan.

Sometimes walk away.

Real positive thinking is like “Fight Club”. Real positive thinkers don’t talk about “Positive Thinking”. They live it.

Real positive thinking is hard work.

Be disciplined in your doing. Some of that doing is the daily practices to maintain your relationships, business and health. Some of that doing is to maintain your mind.

Llisten to great coaches and teachers. Go for a run with a few of them.

Bobby Knight is better company than you might think.